Korean Zen Buddhist teacher Haemin Sunim said,

"Earth is a great school for the growth of our spirit, not a courtroom where we are judged and later punished. Our purpose here is to break free from self-imposed restraints -- often shaped by the stories we tell ourselves -- and to rediscover our innate true nature of love.

We don't need to live at the level of the ego, which feeds on the illusion of separation and the struggle for survival. Instead, we can rise to the level of spirit, embracing the truth that all life events, even the painful ones, serve our growth and evolution."

To consider, even for a moment, that life could be a school versus a courtroom, a curriculum versus a punishment, is an invitation to explore something broader than instinctual survival and deeper than transient pleasure.

Inspired by Thich Nhat Hanh's words, "Deep listening is the kind of listening that can help relieve the suffering of another person. You can call it compassionate listening. You listen with only one purpose: to help him or her to empty his heart."

Words inspired by Charles Bukowski, art inspired by Le Keran's "Flying a kite in Yangliuqing"

"We're all going to die, all of us, what a circus! That alone should make us love each other but it doesn't. We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities, we are eaten up by nothing." - Charles Bukowski

Any given day, I could be driving along on the highway feeling perfectly fine, and then suddenly someone cuts me off, and I'm no longer loving towards anyone. I'm impatient with my son talking loudly from the backseat about seeming trivialities. I rush to grab the last shopping basket at the grocery store, leaving another shopper empty-handed. My conscience could be pricked by feelings of guilt and remorse, but the voices are easy enough to silence when you've had as much practice as I have over the years.

• It's every man for himself out here.
• He needs to respect my boundaries.
• If I don't stand up for myself, I'll just become someone else's doormat.

Do these thoughts sound familiar to you? Why is it so easy to forget to love, or maybe not necessarily forget it, but why is it easy demote it to a position of lesser value?

Inspired by one of Sadhguru's most well-known speeches, this eye-opening chat reminds us that seeing the world with a beginner's mindset can be invaluable especially when engaging with a child.

Inspired by Wendell Berry's poem, "Our Real Work":

It may be that when we no longer know what to do
we have come to our real work,
and that when we no longer know which way to go
we have come to our real journey.
The mind that is not baffled is not employed.
The impeded stream is the one that sings.

This poem brings to mind another observation made by film-maker David Lynch who said that as we get older, it's not that that life becomes easier to navigate, but rather it's a limiting of imagination. When I think I know exactly what to do, do I necessarily check if it's the right thing to do, or am I just on auto-pilot?

Children struggle with the real work of living constantly as they learn to navigate the rules set forth by whatever culture and society they happen to be growing through. And maybe that's a gift, to be in a place of not knowing still even in old age -- which begs the question, "How can I continue to baffle my mind?"

There are many ways for strength to manifest itself. The one that is helping me most right now is strength through resilience.⁠⁠

"One of the deepest habitual patterns that we have is the feeling that the present moment is not good enough." - Pema Chodron

My son swings between being completely in the moment and desperately wanting to be outside of it. I suppose we all fall somewhere on this spectrum, and maybe this feels especially pronounced as a young person in the modern world with minimal agency over what happens to us.

This perspective has made me empathize with my son's frustration and also served as a reminder to myself to not be in a rush to mentally check out of the moment. It only comes once. There is only now.

Inspired by Antonio Machado's "Traveller, there is no path"

Traveller, the path is your tracks⁠
And nothing more.⁠
Traveller, there is no path⁠
The path is made by walking.⁠
By walking you make a path⁠
And turning, you look back⁠
At a way you will never tread again⁠
Traveller, there is no road⁠
Only wakes in the sea.⁠

One of my favorite lines from the Tao Te Ching highlights the comparison between Nature or the Tao and the human experience. How often do I rush about trying to accomplish everything I set out for myself only to feel disappointment, frustration, and even anger when I don't? What do I feel is so necessary to achieve -- only myself, in this lifetime -- when I am a part of a continuous oneness that accomplishes all things within an infinite and unknowable arc of time?

Our experience with suffering is also one of our greatest gifts, the ability to empathize with the suffering of others.

They say that love doesn't come from you, it goes through you. As much as I like to be the agent of my actions, it feels so much more natural to me to consider myself a conduit of Love (with a capital L) that exists beyond myself. It feels right to listen to Love, to allow it to move through me, in the many different ways of expression that it needs to reach any individual in any situation.

How do you say "I love you," -- the answer is found not by learning how to speak, but in learning how to listen.

"Self care" is an interesting concept to consider, especially from a Buddhist perspective that teaches us the self doesn't actually exist. If that's the case, then what does Buddhism have to say about taking care of ourselves?

In part of the story of Siddhartha and his path to enlightenment, he renounces his position of prosperity and wealth in order to practice extreme asceticism. He refuses all worldly comforts, including basic necessities like food and drink, with the intention of transcending the limitations of our existence. It is said that he became so weakened and emaciated that he could no longer participate in his practice and was saved only by accepting an offering of kheer (rice pudding). Though in choosing to eat, drink, and nurture his body, Siddhartha was ostracized and looked down upon by the ascetics, the experience supported his way to understanding the Middle Path.

Just as we can't gain perspective or alleviate our suffering through extreme hedonism, neither can we do so with extreme denial. The Buddhist perspective of self teaches us that it is a meeting point of many things: matter, processes, environment, thoughts, feelings, experiences, relationships, etc. all interacting with one another to give rise to an ever changing, conscious form.Self care, from the Buddhist perspective, is therefore not to glorify the self or drown out our fear and pain with enjoyment, but rather to provide the fuel necessary for the self to do the greatest good for the longest time that it can.

For instance, let's say that I normally budget $100 a month of various spa treatments to help me relax and look my best. It could be a facial, nail treatments, or a massage. At the end of two weeks, my nails are chipped again, and by the end of the month, my neck and shoulder pain are back from all the stress I've accumulated. Maybe I should wonder why I feel constantly stressed in the first place. Maybe I can examine more deeply into why it's important for my appearance to look a certain way. Instead of spending $100 a month for these services, I wonder what difference I can make if I put the funds toward counseling services instead.

In a different example, let's say I spend an hour and half every week visiting a friend at her house, watching a reality TV show together over a bottle of wine. We laugh at the contestants, ridicule the manufactured drama, and complain about work. By the end of the night, I feel superior to complete strangers whose lives are a bigger mess than my own and somehow know nothing more on how my friend is doing except what she has to complain about. I wonder would the time be better spent just going for a twenty-minute walk together instead. Would we feel more connected with our town, exploring the streets, greeting neighbors in passing? Would our bodies be healthier for the exercise? Would I have more to talk about with my friend, using the time as a chance to learn about how her family is doing or what hobbies she wants to pursue?

There are many ways in which we can take care of ourselves, but there are differences between hiding our pain or distracting ourselves from our own discomfort, and creating balance in our lives. It may not seem like much, but we can always do small things every day that make huge, long-term differences. And that makes them not so small after all.

Inspired by a quote from C.S. Lewis from his heart-touching work, "A Grief Observed," that he wrote following the death of his wife

Though C.S. Lewis was a Christian writer, I love that Buddhism also teaches us that when we get angry, we are in fact suffering immense pain. ⁠

Anger in itself is neither good nor bad. All emotions are informative. All emotions are a form of energy, and like all energies, can be transmuted. If we sit with our anger long enough to get to know it and the sorrow inherent to anger, it can show us the way to transmute it into right action.⁠

Inspired by Robin Wall Kimmerer, Braiding Sweetgrass

Edward O. Wilson said that humans have "Paleolithic emotions, medieval institutions, and godlike technology." This combination seems to me to create a real imbalance and dysfunction where the sheer amount of information can provide the illusion of evolutionary advancement, but do we understand our own natures and the systems that have yet to catch up?

Robin Wall Kimmerer, a mother, scientist and botanist, and member of the Potawatomi tribe, who inspired this chat, shares evidence that society in many ways has moved in the opposite direction of wisdom. She asks of us, "For what good is knowing, unless it is coupled with caring? Science can give us knowing, but caring comes from someplace else." I think the more we can cultivate a source of caring in each of us, the more effectively we can use our immense wealth of knowledge in ways that help instead of harm.

Inspired by Olga Jacoby's letters, from "Words in Pain," that were written at the end of her life as she faced terminal illness

I don't want to romanticize another being's pain and suffering. But insofar that pain is an inevitable byproduct of loving in this life, I also can't deny that pain and suffering is a remarkable teacher that makes compassion, and therefore progress, possible.

So many people are suffering right now, sometimes from the lasting effects of our upbringing and lived experiences that makes fear our constant companion; and sometimes from pain inflicted by others who are moving about propelled by their own suffering. And then, there's also the pain inflicted on all of us in the modern world, by nearly invisible systems that benefit a few at the expense of many. These are my teachers, and this pain isn't wasted.

If anything, I know we are made richer for witnessing it within ourselves and in others, and in this richness, in this abundance of feeling, we learn what we ought to do.

My son likes to pay his respects at various temples we pass on the way to and from school. I think the rituals are fun for him, and he finds the gods and deities interesting to look at. Explaining religion to him is a bit of a challenge for me, because I didn't grow up with worship as a large part of my life. So, today's chat is inspired by Confucian philosophy. ⁠

Rather than look to "otherworldly sources of spiritual values," Confucian philosophy holds human relationships to be sacred. Each of us is fundamentally good, and capable of developing our moral nature through communal effort and self-cultivation of the Five Constants (五常): ⁠

• Compassion⁠
• Justice⁠
• Propriety⁠
• Wisdom
• ⁠Integrity⁠

The goal of Confucian philosophy is to create a world -- government, families, citizens -- centered on morals. Our world is constantly changing, and while we can never predict what the future will bring, nor what situations we find ourselves in, Confucianism argues that if we have a strong foundation in recognizing right from wrong, and create a society that promotes right over wrong, then humanity should be able to make good decisions and do right by each other.⁠

All of this is kind of ironic, because Confucianism now has a reputation of being an extremely traditional, rigid, and ritualistic philosophy... not to mention anti-women, so I'll just take the core of its teaching and leave the rest.

Sometimes when my son experiences moments of personal turmoil and anguish, all I want to do is take away his pain and discomfort. While that is one method of approaching a problem, it's also worth noting the value in making room for discomfort, to allow him the full breadth of his feelings to develop and run their course.

When I jump immediately to action, the signal I'm sending is to be afraid of his discomfort, to change, avoid, or suppress it as quickly as possible. I'm sending a signal that there's not enough room in the world for his experience, when more often than not, I think there is. And there is a chance to be connected with another person through their pain and suffering, which is why compassion is not the cessation of pain, but rather to ability to accompany someone else in said pain.

Is there a difference? Can you be one but not the other? Which would you pick if you could only choose one?

I can't think of progress without also thinking of its sister, patience. Progress without patience is a battle half won. Progress -- whether from an individual, communal, or societal perspective -- is nonlinear. ⁠

Sometimes it feels like we're not moving forward at all. Sometimes it even feels like we're even going backwards. However, our desire and hastiness to better ourselves and our world can lead to more pain, frustration, anger, and suffering when we find ourselves confronted with obstacles or failures. ⁠

Have faith, take heart, and be patient with yourself and with others.

What's in our nature can't be changed. Like water that has to follow the law of gravity, flowing downward and seeking the lowest point, we're also subject to forces beyond our control.

But what could be considered a limitation also becomes an opportunity. Flowing water goes around obstacles, forging its own path rather than tackling the immovable head on. Water reaches its destination by yielding. I hope you find your way, too, despite what stands in your path.

Everyone of us has his blind spots. Everyone is mistaken -- some in many ways, some in fewer -- but life is a chance for us all to learn and make sense of things, and to unlearn and relearn and reconfigure our understanding over and over again until in some distant future, we awaken.

What makes this possible in this lifetime is confronting everyone else and their learning and sense-making and mistaken-ness. As the Buddhist saying goes, "Like potatoes rubbing together in a pot, we all get clean."