There's no shortage of opinions about what we should do with your lives. In nearly every moment of our lives from the second we're born into a society, we are met with expectations from family, friends, teachers, employers, colleagues, and random strangers. Of course the vast majority of transactional expectations are necessary for any functioning society. For example, pedestrians expect cars to stop at a red light so they may cross safely with confidence.

Recently, however, I was confronted with a very real question by someone who was struggling to find common ground with her spouse on how to live more fully. Whether she was simply venting to a compassionate listener, seeking perspective or advice on how to move forward, I found myself concluding that such a personal crisis wouldn't be best addressed by consulting others, but by meditating clearly on oneself. What does that mean?

I think about this quote by Martha Graham, a dancer and choreographer who revolutionized modern dance as an art form:

"There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium; and be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is, not how it compares with other expression. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open."

While she may have been addressing artistry, creativity, and personal expression, I re-read the words "life force," and know that the same ideas apply to all actions we take in life.

We often think of what we want to do with life, as though life were a medium to mold under our will. Or maybe life is a tool, a means through which our desired ends might be accomplished. And maybe both are true in a certain light, but when we feel lost and don't know what to do, the perspective that life is instead a force moving through us can be a remarkably freeing and awe-inspiring exercise in surrender. To pay attention to what kind of life that is, to give it permission to express itself through us -- even against what others might expect of us -- can be an even more powerful invitation.

As the first illustration of 2024, I hope you find chances to answer this invitation. May you listen to your heart, may you trust your gut, and may you act with a clear mind. 💛

Inspired by George Bernard Shaw⁠

After I finished university, I turned down an opportunity to work in corporate finance for a large defense company. Instead, I ended up taking a job as a micro-business advisor to a women's association. I lived in a town of less than 60 families, a 5-hour hike through the mountains to the nearest town with an internet connection, a bank, and a hospital. ⁠

I thought I'd find myself there, but I didn't.⁠ I thought that becoming the opposite of who I was would be the answer, but it wasn't.⁠

Our true selves are not walking around outside of us, somewhere for us to discover -- complete and whole. We are the accumulation of decisions, actions, words, changes, and connections that we make. If you're not happy with where you are today, just realize that it's not necessary to rebel like I did. The change you seek can be clarified with honest reflection, small investments in time and curiosity about yourself and your relationship to the world around you.⁠

A confident person isn't necessarily confident because they are beautiful, powerful, intelligent, popular, or kind. Those traits might help establish their sense of self worth, but in the end, it's about how readily they have accepted themselves (faults and all) and no longer depend so heavily on validation from others. ⁠

When illustrating this quote, I imagined it as a piece of advice from an adult to a child. Growing up, we are compelled to depend on others -- parents, teachers, and peers -- to feel accepted and loved. It becomes a habit that is difficult to break. But, if we can learn to know, accept, and love ourselves, then we pave the way for our own freedom. And that freedom in turn allows us to know, accept, and love others as well.⁠

A little chat inspired by Thelonious Monk and Miles Davis, two incredibly important musicians who made their distinctive mark in music and paved the way for others to do the same

There seems to exist a fallacy in our perception that to be iconic means to have some signature trait that remains static, and being true to ourselves somehow means that that truth never changes. But it does, and the ability to flow with that change is what keeps our existence honest, timeless, relevant, and connected.⁠

In any social setting with expectations of proper behavior, there are demands on our ability to hide that the negative qualities while only displaying the positive. Sometimes that can reach a level that forces one to reckon with what kind of life to continue leading, what kind of relationship to continue pursuing.

That reckoning poses then, a most difficult choice -- does one choose to be seen honestly or does one choose to be acceptable?

I came across this poem by Bertolt Brecht, German playwright and poet who lived through both World Wars, and fearing persecution for voicing his political criticisms through theatre, fled to Southern California only to be targeted and surveilled during the McCarthy era's Second Red Scare. I can only imagine all that he saw through what he assuredly felt was an extremely dark period for his country, and still he maintains a motto, a mantra to remember that expression can and will persist. And my impression is that it will persist not in spite of, but also because of that darkness.

"Motto"
by Bertolt Brecht

In the dark times
Will there be singing?
Yes, there will be singing.
About the dark times.

So, if you find yourself concerned about what your world is going through. It bears reminding that no matter what happens. Still we sing. Be it only a whisper, be it only in your heart— Sing. Sing. Sing.

If you've ever wondered whether individuality is incompatible with the Taoist idea of oneness, I turn to this line from the Chuang Tzu:

An ancient gnarled tree: too fibrous for a logger's saw, too twisted to fit a carpenter's square, outlasts the whole forest.

While all things exist in oneness, one gives rise to two, and two to three, until infinite things come to be -- each with its own qualities and potential to fulfill. A tree that grows straight is cut to make timber. A tree with medicinal bark is stripped of its skin. The advantage to being useless is that it comes harder to be roped in to fulfilling the other people's purposes or desires.

A tree that lives for no other reason than to to fulfill its own existence the one that lives the longest, growing stranger and more unique every year.